On One

Day One.

I find myself unable to sleep and creep out of bed before the sun even thinks of showing it's face. I sip coffee that I don't need and ponder what to write. Headphones would make it easier. Music can trick the mind in to relaxing. It's the bourbon of the brain.

And I'm off.

The sun is cresting over the houses across the street, flushing the living room in a sickly orange. You could break that light with by walking across it. Clean, the floors, tan, the walls. Harsh, the glow of my monitor. And rapid my fingers rushing to conclusions across the keyboard.

On this day, the fifth day of October, I hereby declare


Blushed, my coffee. Messy hair. Raccoon eyes where the liner wore thin. Full my heart, to bursting.

Aida comes wandering out of her room and it's a blessing with each step. Suddenly everything changes.

Forever and ago, a memory bubbles up. It's snowing, always snowing in this cold horrible winter that I can't seem to escape. We're holding hands and where our skin touches is warmth. I watch you from the corner of my eye. You are the most beautiful peace I have ever known. Your words are a wordless comfort, to me. Your smile a salvation.

The last part of me that was hurting gives up in the presence of that smile and I know, know deep deep deep down you are for me and I for you.

Memory skips again, ahead a month and a moment and we're holding hands in a, well chapel isn't going to invoke the right images but I suppose that's what it was, and we're getting married.

Out in the dry Nevada winter, we skip away, giggling.

The sound of Aida's heartbeat. Like a train racing over tracks. How proud and excited and scared we both are. How lucky.

I think it's these types of memories, coupled with the never ending and loving support of my small, perfect little family, that will get me through this.

In the end, I can walk away from it all

As long as you walk away with me.

On this day, the fifth day of October, I hereby declare.